Pakistan's nukes are safe and secure -- but quite unnecessary

 

Pakistan's nukes are safe and secure -- but quite unnecessary

 

 

 

 

 

Pakistan’s nuclear weapons are quite safe and very difficult for terrorists to get hold of. 

 

 

 You see, they are mobile nuclear missiles, kept on the backs of trucks and disguised as giant beverage bottles. 

  

  

 They are constantly kept on the move, so the terrorists have no idea where they are. 

  

 

 Each nuke can only be operated by use of the special key, which is kept on a chain around the driver’s neck. 

  

  

 

But, in addition to the key, you need the Command Codes.  These are impossible to locate, being hidden behind the sun visor.

 

 

 

 

The instruction books are in English, which most terrorists can’t read, and these are safely locked in the glove-box. 

  

  

  

  

For complete protection, each driver keeps a rifle on the passenger seat. 

  

  

  

For absolute security, the driver has STRICT instructions to LOCK the cab when going to the rest room at freeway service areas. 

  

 

   

So, Pakistan’s nukes are absolutely secure.  But, more importantly, they are completely unnecessary. 

  

 

Pakistan is in a unique position amongst the nuclear powers, in that it doesn’t really need nuclear weapons, and could be a shining example to the whole world by leading the way in unilateral nuclear disarmament. 

  

Here’s the 3-step plan.

   

1.  Pakistan needs to acknowledge that India has nukes because of China, not because of Pakistan. India does not perceive Pakistan as a strategic threat, but only as a persistent and sometimes annoying pain-in-the-butt.  India has moved into the 21^st century, whereas Pakistan is still stuck in a 1947 mentality -- defining itself only by its separateness from India.  It’s a hard pill for macho boys to swallow, that one isn’t perceived as a significant threat, but nothing to be ashamed of. 

  

2.  Pakistan needs to agree with India a no-nuclear-first-strike commitment.  This should take ten minutes; fifteen minutes if they get Obama to witness it. 

  

3.  Pakistan should swiftly dismantle its nuclear weapons, secure in the knowledge that India would never risk global condemnation by launching a nuclear attack against it. 

  

  

In the new world, global prestige comes from demonstrating integrity, trust and a commitment to peace -- not from showing off your destructive capabilities.  The latter was all done in the late nineties, when Pakistan felt it had to prove it could explode nuclear weapons after India successfully tested its own, both countries attracting global condemnation.  

  

Since nuclear weapons do not distinguish between warriors and non-combatants, as well as wreaking hideous destruction on our beloved Earth, they are completely immoral and cannot be used in warfare within Islamic parameters.  So, no genuinely Muslim country should have them in the first place, as a matter of principle.

  

Now, the race should be towards nuclear disarmament -- a race Pakistan could win if it would just grow up.  It has plenty of other priorities to focus on, such as universal education, healthcare and a decent standard of living for all of its citizens. 

  

 

 

Based on the track record of the kinds of men who attain power in Pakistan, I won’t hold my breath. 

 

 But what an opportunity. 

 

 

 

 

  

Comments

[Fiaz Khan]

Excellent write-up Imran and very funny!

[Amarjiva]

Hi Imran! It was really a candid expression in your thoughts on nuke. Thanks for the words and vision !! My silence on your blog or mail has been mainly due to myself getting 'nuked' by H1N1 Flu which dogged me for months!

[Thomas Diggins]

Whoever disarms first wins the race - brilliant! Thanks Imran.

[Asher Zafar]

Great piece, but I don't think Pakistan's nuclear strategy is necessarily entirely focused on India, and one could apply lessons from North Korea's motivation for nukes.

Pakistan's relationship with the international community is so Love-Hate that the possession of a nuclear weapon is a deterrent against the threat of invasion or regime change once Pakistan serves its purpose in Afghanistan. A little over a decade ago, Pakistan was being punished with sanctions for its violation of the NPT. Now it's receiving billions in aid. This could easily reverse itself in 10 years.

If Pakistan had a no-first-strike policy, it would remove their deterrent against such a threat. I'm not saying it's right, but I can see the rationale. Would love to hear your thoughts.

[Mohamed Mughal]

So many state secrets in one place, Imran? You've left the Operations Directorate no choice but to move the Command Codes from behind the sun-visor to under the driver's seat...underneath the fennel seeds and paan.

[Irfan Baluch]

Pakistan needs the nukes.

and we are clear on our first-use policy if we come under any kind of attack.

Defence of Pakistan is holy for 180 million people. We are heavily armed nation.

I like your funny writing style. Make your next piece on the lack of safety at indian nuclear facilities

-dead kidnapped senior nuclear scientist (who may have given info to naxalites)

-theft of computers at indian nuclear facility

-staff giving nuclear poisoning to other staff at said facilities

-naxals are having strong presence in 1/3 of india. Just last week naxals shot 75 indian police officers and managed to escape

[nicole.babe]

brilliant ideea..actually funny too. anyway, Pakistan is believed to maintain tight control over its nuclear assets, and it may have instituted special steps to deal with the current situation. nonetheless, the U.S. government and the international community should work to improve security over Pakistan's nuclear assets, both in the short and long term.

[wmv to mp4]

I sincerely hope that some day there will be no nuclear or biological weapon... We all live on the same planet, we don't need this