Sydney Writers’ Festival: The Governor and the Canapé
I have just returned from Australia, where I had the most wonderful time as a guest of the Sydney Writers’ Festival. If you read this blog, you may recall that I met a beautiful woman one rainy night in the Writers’ Tent of the Edinburgh International Book Festival last August and – when she turned out to be the Director of the Sydney Writers’ Festival – I immediately gave her a sales pitch on what a great book I had written. (She looked bored – this must happen to her all the time.) However, six months later, when Wendy Were had had a chance to read Unimagined, she actually invited me and I leapt out of my chair at the office when the e-mail came in.
I had a packed schedule in Australia. On arrival in Sydney, I flew straight to Melbourne to appear in an episode of Salam Café (which you can view here – I appear after 11 minutes). Then, returning to Sydney, I had three events at the Festival (including one with Australian comedienne Judith Lucy – 'Not Another Misery Memoir'), plus other media appearances and a talk in Canberra.
My main event was on Sunday afternoon: 'An Unimagined Journey' – a combination of my addressing the audience and Bruce Elder interviewing me. The cabaret style location, with round tables, had a capacity of 250 and was absolutely packed. You won't believe me if I tell you how brilliantly it went – please find an independent witness.
When it was all over, I left the sunny blue sky of Sydney’s autumn for the damp greyness of London’s spring – no, that doesn’t make any sense.
It was a very memorable trip, but the most memorable event was for a less-than-satisfactory reason … (See account below.)
Venue filling up for my event
My signing queue!
Who's the attractive blonde woman? Is she an official? Where's her SWF ID?
My crowd waiting.
Venue filling up nicely
Yep, I was really here
Judith Lucy and me
"Not Another Misery Memoir ..."
She's got two copies of my book!
Nice jumper
"Thank you, I really appreciate you buying my book ... Thank you, I really appreciate you buying my book ... Thank you, ..."
"I'm having a great time."
"Excuse me, where can I get the ferry to New Zealand?"
A magic moment on Sydney Harbour Bridge early one morning
A big rock
The best airport pick-up ever
With Anton Enus - SBS newsreader
Vibrant Festival location
Bruce Elder interviewing me: "An Unimagined Journey"
Aggressive action against global warming
What an amazing place
Wonderful Wendy Were, who very kindly invited me.
On Saturday evening, I was invited to a reception for the international writers at Government House, hosted by the Governor of New South Wales – Her Excellency Professor Marie Bashir.
As we walked in, we were each greeted by the Governor herself, who kindly spent a moment welcoming each of us individually. I presented the Governor with an inscribed and signed copy of my book, which she seemed to greatly appreciate. She thanked me generously for the gift.
I appeared to be the only writer who gave a copy of his/her book to the Governor, but I don’t think this is the main reason I made an unforgettable impression on Her Excellency. That was to come later …
I was standing with the Governor and her Chief of Staff, Brian Davies Esq LVO, as Her Excellency kindly recounted a fascinating story about the First Fleet. The Governor was on my right and the Chief of Staff was opposite me – we were huddled quite close together. I sipped nonchalantly from my glass of orange juice.
A tray of canapés came by …
[Note to self for future reference: Never, ever, eat a canapé whilst standing in distinguished company.]
To show how at ease and relaxed I was standing in the company of the Governor (I do this sort of thing all the time, you see, keep the company of Captains and Kings), I reached for a canapé. I noticed it was topped with a creamy white blob of sauce.
This was a substantial two-bite canapé, so I took the primary bite. The magic of this dignified private moment with the Governor seemed to suddenly evaporate as I felt the blob of white creamy sauce miss my mouth, and slide down the side of my chin, and fall into oblivion.
The Governor stopped talking.
The Governor, the Chief of Staff and I all looked down to the floor. The large creamy white blob had landed on top of my right shoe. I had the orange juice in my left hand, the other half of the canapé in my right hand, and it seemed a long way down to my right shoe. There was silence. Time stood still.
I had a vague awareness of Her Excellency’s voice: “Brian …”
Suddenly, the Chief of Staff was addressing me: “Don’t worry Imran, we’ll take care of this” and simultaneously he was crouching in front of me, wiping the creamy blob off my shoe with a paper napkin.
I apologised profusely to the Chief of Staff, but he dismissed it as nothing to worry about.
Words cannot express the embarrassment I felt. Idiot, idiot, idiot! Never, ever eat a complex canapé in front of distinguished company.
Her Excellency finished her story, but somehow I felt that the dignity had gone from my private audience. She moved on.
When something really embarrassing happens, I believe that the best way to overcome the pain of the humiliation is to recount the incident as a funny anecdote, as many times as possible. The pain is then anaesthetised by humour.
A little later, I was chatting with an officer of the Australian Airforce. He was a Squadron Leader, his blue uniform emblazoned with medals – a very distinguished gentleman indeed. So, I thought I would begin the self-healing process, by telling him the anecdote.
“Something really embarrassing happened to me this evening,” I said, by way of introduction.
His reply was swift.
“You mean with the Governor and the canapé? I already heard about that.”
[Update: The Sydney Morning Herald reports that Unimagined ranked 11th in the Festival sales.]
Unimagined in Australia: http://www.unimagined.co.uk/Australia.htm
Unimagined: http://www.unimagined.co.uk/
THat's a very funny story - there, is the healing going any better?
Good to hear you had such a warm reception in Sydney. WEll, it is an excellent book, as I hope I've said already...
best wishes
Matt Harvey
Posted by: Matt Harvey | May 30, 2008 at 10:56 PM
Glad you had a good time in our little town Imran. Was good to meet you when I crashed the Allen & Unwin launch (I was the tipsy Irish-Italian poet, remember.)
Look forward to perusing your tome some time soon.
I wouldn't worry about your canape incident - in Oz it's considered a thing of great pride to be able to catch food on your foot. Of course, if you had missed your foot altogether and soiled the kangaroo-skin carpet you would have been incarcerated in that little prison in the harbour for the term of your natural life.
Posted by: Benito Di Fonzo | May 31, 2008 at 02:08 AM
Imran, I'm your independent witness! I was at your event on Sunday. It was wonderful. I enjoyed it so much and so did everyone else, judging by the laughter and the energy in the hall. Please come again!!! I bought your book but didn't get it signed, silly me. I loved it. When is the nest one coming out? Love, Anne
Posted by: Anne McCabe | May 31, 2008 at 11:53 PM
Imran, it was a joy to meet you and a delight to listen to your excellent readings from the book. The audience were so receptive and they truly appreciated the warmth and good humour of the stories. I think the whole thing went very well and, as I left, I noticed with delight that there was a long queue lining up for signatures. This is a great beginning. I look forward to reading Volumes 2 and 3. I knew it was a great book after a couple of pages. How was I to know that the author would be so gracious and charming? Well, I guess, it is in the book.
Posted by: Bruce Elder | June 01, 2008 at 01:17 AM
Salaam Imran bhai,
I am not an independent witness, but all your events were absolutely successful, especially with Bruce Elder. We really enjoyed that event and we are very proud of you. I am not sure about your Canberra event - how successful it was? Your visit is not successful on family grounds - we had only 10% of your time, only Monday, but I really enjoyed that Monday. Nice trip to Blue Mountains and I promise myself I have to go there at least two or three times a year. We looking forward to seeing you again soon insh'Allah
Khalid, Shakira, Omar, and Zain
Posted by: khalid idrees | June 01, 2008 at 03:31 AM
If you didn't attend the Sunday session at SWF then you missed out!Over 250 fans enjoyed the funky loft setting and incisive interviewing. Not to mention the authors reading that included the infamous pyjama puzzle. We were shocked to not be your only fans!
We love your writing as it articulates our childhood angst. Born in the West,brought up by parents from the East and expected by both to somehow fit in.
It was a pleasure to meet you and hope to see you again soon
Salaams and Regards
Posted by: Sofia and Ali Akbar | June 03, 2008 at 01:36 PM
Judith and you will make a fine couple! You can be known as Mr & Mrs Lucy!
Posted by: Irfan Yusuf | June 05, 2008 at 05:06 AM
I was very happy to be part of that amazing audience! :)
Also amazing was the clarity and innocent humour of Imran's readings and I could identify with so much of his childhood, it was astonishing.
I am happy also to be able to see myself and my love interest in 4 photos on here of that Sunday's event! :)
Posted by: Farhan Arif | June 29, 2009 at 03:33 AM